I HAVE A STALKER

yup, it's true. so, here's how the the story goes...my friend is over visiting and we are playing a hand of cards when all of a sudden for no reason whatsoever she says "it's kinda creepy" and i say, "what's kinda creepy" and then she says, "the more i watch you sleep the more i love you". my heart dropped to my stomach. and now she's claiming these lame ass excuses about how it was in reference to a song, but i saw the way she was looking at me when she said it. she wants me. i don't know what to do. if she replies to this, you'll be able to tell for yourselves that i am in a scary situation here.

it was about this shade of purple

so, i go to a friends house to spend the night. it seems that most of the tenants that live in her complex can hardly find the trash barrels. Well, in her front yard what do you suspect we found? (don't worry no one would ever get the answer) yes, it was purple, and yes, it vibrated and yes it was about seven inches long.

now, here's the question. how does someone go about losing such a thing? does it fall out while you're walking to your car? or perhaps you decide to use it outside for a thrill? or what if the dog sees it and decides it his new play toy?

if anyone has an answer or theory, i'd love to hear it.

I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON...

i promise to never again speak to anyone else about anyone that i happen to know who has a love life. (aka sex life)
since i do not have a sex life, it does not mean that i can speak about other peoples sex life, and even if i did have a sex life, i still do not have the right to discuss such.
but if i had a friend who said i could not use their name but i could talk about their adventures, i would do that....
i have a friend who was wearing a piece of 'equipment' and fell asleep with the 'said equipment' on. and when that friend awoke, well all i can say is this, my friend was rather surprised to see that said friend had a morning boner.
this is all i am allowed to say about this incident....but as soon as i can i will be back to retell another adventure.

brittney beat me to it!!

unfair!! i get this great idea. and while it came to me under the influence of having the flu, i still thought the idea rocked. i wanted to cut off all my hair. i mean all of it. i thought how cool it would be to see what my head looked like under all this hair. i called my best friend to tell her and she said i had to wait and think about it. and in the meantime, what happened you ask? oh yes, miss brittney goes and does the same thing! copy cat. and now if i do it, people will just think i'm trying to be like her. and i'm cuter. its just not fair.

how is this possible???

i don't believe this. i decided to be brave and look up my loan amounts for school. i owe a lot. i mean a lot. i mean more than i can possibly expect to earn in the rest of my working lifetime. i owe an amount so large it warrants going back to bed. and now i'm taking out loans for my son to go to school. i can't remember how to post pictures to my blog, how can i be expected to pay back this much money?? anyone want to hire a poet who in all honesty really can't dance?

woo hoo---she's baaaaack

i'm eating fishsticks while i write this. do you know what i say when i am eating fishsticks? i say, mmmmmm fishsticks. so sad, if i could remember how to upload a picture i would put a picture of fishsticks here.

do you know what i say when i am eating chocolate pudding? mmmmmmmm pudding.

it is almost time for me to graduate. i'm thinking i will become a ballerina and dance in talent shows. i'm good. trust me.

my television has been very limited these days. i only get channel six (nbc) in and somedays fox. so my new favorite show is deal or no deal. i would always take the deal after the first or second offer. it would pay for me to travel around and dance.

til next time, ta ta for now!

I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

it's almost like an olympic event, only it's not. i forgot to mention that i finally kicked adam's ass at boggle. woohoo!! woohoo!!!! i shall take my victory lap now...

okay, i'm back. i guess i really don't have anything else to say, but really, when you think about it, i think winning at boggle is enough excitement for anybody for one day.

oh yeah. you know what i really don't like? checking my blog and finding out that lizy has not written back. i think the only way to rectify this situation is this: short of when you have to drive somewhere or sleep (as long as the sleeping does not exceed 8 hours) you need to be checking my blog on a regular basis (i'd suggest every ten minutes or so) i mean really, i hardly know myself when the inspiration is going to hit, how could i expect you to know. so, this seems to be the ONLY solution

i do look good in black

wake up today only to see flippin snow everywhere...shit...does not help my already sour mood...and now i have to read the inferno. fuck fuck fuck. well, you will certainly love the irony of this. i did my taxes, adam apparently is no longer my dependent. yes, that's right, you can care for someone, feed them, allow them the priviledge of flushing your toilet, and yet they do not depend on you. huh. now, i know you understand i do not begrudge my child at all, at all, and yet, i kind of think it sucks that technically he no longer depends on me. so, let's end this for now before i start figuring out ways to make regis my dependent (which technically he is) and get thrown in the slammer for tax fraud, huh, think the prison system gets to claim ME as a dependent??

I AM THE QUEEN...

get this...pat is sooooo desperate to get my blog address that he actually googled my name to see if he could find it that way. hehehe

although, i keep thinking how i could use this to my advantage...do you want me to keep my blog between you and i more or does pat really want to read it that badly...hmmm. who would pay more.

so, risking serious loss of limb or injury here (well, okay, actually it's more like losing out on some sleep, but make no mistake, sleep deprevation is a serious matter and not to be taken lightly)

i stayed up to watch conan o'brien because i knew you can't (seriously folks, why bother with the pretext anymore, my truest and yes i admit only blog fan happens to be lizy)

although--i'm sure that were i to share my information with those that have requested such, i too, could be quite popular--and again, i digress...so, guess who was on conan last night?

that's right, MR. HARRISON FORD himself. yes, he was gorgeous, yes, he was delightful. but he was also very figity, made me think the poor man maybe had hemmoroids.

my job now as i see it is to find a picture of him and post it

that's right young miss, i aim to please

with the hat or without...you decide

this is one of those days...you know what i am talking about, a day where the best thing to do would be getting back into bed, pulling the covers over your head and staying put. that's all.

so, last year i had a get fuzzy daily calender. i loved it. this year i could not find a get fuzzy calender so i bought this one of jokes. only here's the problem--the jokes are stupid. i'm the first one to admit, i like stupid jokes, just not this stupid.

examples: jokes i like that are stupid

1). how do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
-----rocket

2). what do you call a bear with mood swings?
-----bi-polar bear

examples: jokes used in the calender that are too stupid and that i don't particularly like

1). hector: i hear stupid steve lasted only a week working for the highway patrol.

miguel: that's right. he got fired for ticketing does and bucks who were running across the road where there weren't any deer crossing signs.

i believe my point is well taken.

the other picture of matthew wasn't very big so i am adding another one. i mean really, is there ever enough matthew??

zippidy doo dah

so, it appears that it is going to snow again today. ho hum. or bah humbug, for fuck's sake, enough already, something like that anyways. i have tons of reading to do for school. i still have to write a poem, get to the library--thanks to the literary gods that they have the sense to keep school libraries open on sundays--already started dinner, hoo rah, yeah for me, clap your hands!! we will be having pot roast...ahhhh. oh, yeah, did i mention i started smoking again? i didn't? well, isn't that odd, i was sure i had mentioned it. well, nevermind. now for your viewing pleasure i will add a picture...

yoo hoo (not the drink)

olive garden, yum. last friday this is where my son took me for lunch. soup, yum, sald, yum, wine, double yum. has not been the best of weeks to follow, but it's starting to look up. i miss my lizy :~( ooh, i saw colin firth on leno the other night, another yum. i finally see what you see in him liz!

sidenote for liz: i need a dose of "I Will Survive" or, "I Touch Myself"
you decide...

I BELIEVE THE PICTURE WILL SUFFICE FOR NOW

wanted to let all know i have a rap name now. my son christened me with it. so, from now on, you all have to refer to me as "The Mom Bomb"

this is me today...

and oh yeah, i spilled chicken noodle soup all over the front of my shirt and i have school tonight and i'm thinking about wearing it anyways. .

that's right folks, the mood is not any better today