Monday, April 20, 2009

I HAVE A STALKER

yup, it's true. so, here's how the the story goes...my friend is over visiting and we are playing a hand of cards when all of a sudden for no reason whatsoever she says "it's kinda creepy" and i say, "what's kinda creepy" and then she says, "the more i watch you sleep the more i love you". my heart dropped to my stomach. and now she's claiming these lame ass excuses about how it was in reference to a song, but i saw the way she was looking at me when she said it. she wants me. i don't know what to do. if she replies to this, you'll be able to tell for yourselves that i am in a scary situation here.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

it was about this shade of purple

so, i go to a friends house to spend the night. it seems that most of the tenants that live in her complex can hardly find the trash barrels. Well, in her front yard what do you suspect we found? (don't worry no one would ever get the answer) yes, it was purple, and yes, it vibrated and yes it was about seven inches long.

now, here's the question. how does someone go about losing such a thing? does it fall out while you're walking to your car? or perhaps you decide to use it outside for a thrill? or what if the dog sees it and decides it his new play toy?

if anyone has an answer or theory, i'd love to hear it.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON...

i promise to never again speak to anyone else about anyone that i happen to know who has a love life. (aka sex life)
since i do not have a sex life, it does not mean that i can speak about other peoples sex life, and even if i did have a sex life, i still do not have the right to discuss such.
but if i had a friend who said i could not use their name but i could talk about their adventures, i would do that....
i have a friend who was wearing a piece of 'equipment' and fell asleep with the 'said equipment' on. and when that friend awoke, well all i can say is this, my friend was rather surprised to see that said friend had a morning boner.
this is all i am allowed to say about this incident....but as soon as i can i will be back to retell another adventure.